Posts Tagged ‘dating’
HenQs: is it okay for a skank-hen to try to steal my boyfriend?
dear hen baby buhtins,
thanks for your submission. first off, using the word skank-hen is a bit, well, unnecessary. just because this hen likes to throw her wooly-hen parts around doesn’t make her a skank—wait, using the word wooly nowadays, isn’t quite correct. i tend to forget this is not the 80s anymore. in today’s hen market, it’s more like powder-hen parts, smooth as ski slopes—she just likes to express herself more than most hens. there is nothing wrong with that.
now to answer your question. of course it’s okay for her to try to steal your boyfriend. simply put, it’s the best litmus test there is when it comes to a relationship. you’ll find out quickly whether your beloved rooster-boyfriend can holdup to his end of the bargain. you know, be loyal and walk the talk that allowed him an all-access pass to your hentastic parts.
if you have a good rooster, this situation will be nonissue. on the other hand, if you’re dealing with an insecure and unsure capon, and acts upon the proposition, your relationship will become that much clearer; and that’s a good thing. sure, the fact that your best friend or stripper neighbor, or whomever the case may be, committed a robbery, it sucks. no one likes rejection at that level, but such is coop life. ultimately, they are doing you a huge favor. you can’t hate on a single-hen for being a single-hen. you should thank them.
you see, your relationship isn’t with the single-hen, it’s with your rooster. the hen owes you nothing. it’s the rooster who should be blamed and shunned. after all, he was the one who promised you the world, pledged his monogamy and the happily-ever-after song and dance. right?
as with any hen with commonsense, you know the intent of any rooster is to have a go at them hentastic parts. that’s the nature of things. the problem is, once you hens allow a rooster full access, many of you consider him property. that’s always a mistake. so naturally, our reaction to someone who takes something we think belongs to us is often not a nice one. it usually conjures up violent thoughts of de-feathering and dismemberment towards that person. and some of you, actually act on it and go hen-crazy. no one likes a hen-crazy hen. besides, all that violence and hate doesn’t change the fact your rooster was out there using someone else’s sharpener to sharpen his rooster-pencil.
the thing is, your boyfriend is not your property. if you accept that as such, you’ll be less disappointed or hurt. they have choices just like you do. only you belong to you, and actions are absolutes that hold truths.
HW
a secret known but ignored
dearest hens, pull out a quill and pen some notes. this one is worth keeping between the feathers.
have you ever wondered what the secret is to making a rooster do the things you want, cater to your every need and treat you like a queen? the answer is quite simple, and probably something you’ve been told many times, but for some reason, have failed to accept it or apply it.
the secret that is known but ignored is a hen’s failure to stroke a rooster’s ego. and just to be perfectly clear, ego is not a euphemism for pecker. now, stroking peckers is something not to be overlooked either, but we’ll leave that one for another time. seriously though, it’s that simple, but i guess the simplest things are sometimes the most difficult to understand. yet, some hens are very good at understanding this—note that one hen who is always surrounded by roosters as if some explicit act is about to go down. the one you think is super flirty and slutty. the one you hate—yes, that one. they’ve mastered an essential part of the art of hen’n. ego-stroker hens tend to be happier and have way more fun than most other hens.
call it charm, whorish or whatever, but ego-stroking is always the way to go whenever you want your rooster to yield to your commands. it taps into one of the most basic rooster instinct, that instinct that makes him feel like the protector and king of his coop. it’s a powerful force, so take advantage of it whenever possible. this is somewhat synonymous to that nurturing instinct you hens carry. you know, the one that fools you into falling in love with that stray lazy rooster, because you feel sorry for him, want to take care of him—then validating his laziness with statements such as”he’s so talented” or “he’s a genius,” but then refuses to find a job or do something with his life. yep, you hens and your charity cases. eventually, you gonna have to wing-up and move forward.
i believe the biggest hurdle when it comes to hen’n is putting your ego aside. a hen’s ego can be very counter productive and a hindrance in matters of hen’n. no one likes a bitter or anti-rooster hen. once you get passed that, stroking a rooster’s ego will be a breeze. it’s okay to allow yourself to be a hen, and a rooster be a rooster. there is nothing wrong with that. if anything, it should be empowering and fun— without having to be submissive or losing your independence. after all, it is a hen’s world, and if you can’t stand on your own legs, you shouldn’t be out there hen’n. below are few key phrases i’ve compiled to get you started. have fun and be safe.
top five ego-stroking phrases:
1. “you’re the champ.” (use this one often.)
2. “whoa! that was amazing.” (after any mounting session, regardless of whether you mean it or not; always finish with a positive, especially after a subpar mounting session.)
3. “you’re so strong.” (do this while grabbing his bicep/arm even if the rooster is all bones.)
4. “you make me nervous.” (use your best judgement with this one.)
5. “i’ve never met anybody like you.” (in truth you haven’t met anyone like him, so it’s not really a lie.)
HW
why hens should always ask, mac or PC?
hens, the first thing you should always ask a guy you’re lusting over is, mac or pc? their answer can save you a ton a grief later. let me explain.
obviously, i’m mac all the way. i don’t even allow a PC in my house. there are exception though. if you’re a hen and i want to ruffle your feathers, i’ll allow it. otherwise, keep your crappy computers at home.
i just don’t understand why folks put up with PCs. it just boggles my mind. certainly, we can go on and on about which is better, and why, but that doesn’t help anyone. putting that aside, here are some facts about mac users and owners, i believe will help you from wasting your time on capons.
mac users:
1. usually college graduates (yes, smarter)
2. have disposable income (he won’t be asking you for a $3 loan to pay for the dinner you just had with him)
3. more accurate and more productive (meaning, he’ll know where to find your g-spot and do you more often)
4. creative and open-minded (will paint you pretty and not tell you god talks to us directly)
5. can appreciate beauty and design (“he don’t do ugly or cheap” )
6. don’t play online games (enough said)
7. are web savvy (will build a website dedicated to you overnight)
8. tend to be super hip (will tell you to leave your penny loafers at home)
9. are happier (won’t be downing the whole bottle of meds in one gulp, or turn out to be a serial killer)
10. well informed (knows to use other positions other than missionary)
there you go. now, if that list doesn’t say “perfect guy,” i don’t know what does. of course, like most things, there are exceptions. i do have some PC-user friends, but most of them are engineers (socially awkward but loaded). so unless the PC-user is an engineer, a real one, not one of them fools with an ITT degree, or two year degree bullshit, don’t waste your time. your best bet is to find yourself a mac guy.
HW
HenWrangler 