Posts Tagged ‘self-help’
HenQs: is it okay for a skank-hen to try to steal my boyfriend?
dear hen baby buhtins,
thanks for your submission. first off, using the word skank-hen is a bit, well, unnecessary. just because this hen likes to throw her wooly-hen parts around doesn’t make her a skank—wait, using the word wooly nowadays, isn’t quite correct. i tend to forget this is not the 80s anymore. in today’s hen market, it’s more like powder-hen parts, smooth as ski slopes—she just likes to express herself more than most hens. there is nothing wrong with that.
now to answer your question. of course it’s okay for her to try to steal your boyfriend. simply put, it’s the best litmus test there is when it comes to a relationship. you’ll find out quickly whether your beloved rooster-boyfriend can holdup to his end of the bargain. you know, be loyal and walk the talk that allowed him an all-access pass to your hentastic parts.
if you have a good rooster, this situation will be nonissue. on the other hand, if you’re dealing with an insecure and unsure capon, and acts upon the proposition, your relationship will become that much clearer; and that’s a good thing. sure, the fact that your best friend or stripper neighbor, or whomever the case may be, committed a robbery, it sucks. no one likes rejection at that level, but such is coop life. ultimately, they are doing you a huge favor. you can’t hate on a single-hen for being a single-hen. you should thank them.
you see, your relationship isn’t with the single-hen, it’s with your rooster. the hen owes you nothing. it’s the rooster who should be blamed and shunned. after all, he was the one who promised you the world, pledged his monogamy and the happily-ever-after song and dance. right?
as with any hen with commonsense, you know the intent of any rooster is to have a go at them hentastic parts. that’s the nature of things. the problem is, once you hens allow a rooster full access, many of you consider him property. that’s always a mistake. so naturally, our reaction to someone who takes something we think belongs to us is often not a nice one. it usually conjures up violent thoughts of de-feathering and dismemberment towards that person. and some of you, actually act on it and go hen-crazy. no one likes a hen-crazy hen. besides, all that violence and hate doesn’t change the fact your rooster was out there using someone else’s sharpener to sharpen his rooster-pencil.
the thing is, your boyfriend is not your property. if you accept that as such, you’ll be less disappointed or hurt. they have choices just like you do. only you belong to you, and actions are absolutes that hold truths.
HW
recently-single hen
after having badged yourself to either, “in a relationship,” “it’s complicated” or “married” status on your favorite social networking site for sometime, you now find yourself single.
so you just got dumped, or maybe you found breeding with the same rooster over and over again, well, repetitive, boring and unsatisfying; leading to an awesome night of pure decadence and no longer identifying yourself as monogamous once the feathers settled—oops. but the more likely scenario though is that, you finally gave up on justifying your mounting partner’s small shoe size and got rid of that loser, parasite-of-a-rooster. but whatever the case, you’re single. now what? change your status to single, leave it blank or keep it the same? or de-feather yourself out of a broken heart, native american-style? nah. no need for the dramatic just yet, but to help ease the transition, here’s my short every-hen-should-know list.
1. find “me” again (yep. now is the time to focus on yourself and be selfish as hell. no partner needed. dust off that old toy, and toy away.)
2. surround yourself with friends who are successful and independent (say goodbye to the lazy and mooch. they need not apply. fowl-friends should lift you up, not bring you down. )
3. slutty should be your new black (that’s right. every hen needs to go through a slutty-phase at least a couple of times. if you like who’s knocking, let them in. have fun, but always be safe.)
4. stay single for a good while (the biggest mistake hens make is getting back into a relationship too quickly, having only to repeat the cycle over and over again. strengthen the self first.)
5. be a social hen (get out there and meet new roosters and hens. networking is a great way to put more feathers in your cap. and of course, to lose a few as well, but this is good too.)
6. travel (seeing new things and places only opens you up to new ideas. just think, as an added bonus, if all goes well, say, with andrés, the spaniard, your hen legs will also be open to such ideas.)
7. and finally, find a hobby ( see “all hens need a hobby.”)
sure codependency is a bitch to break, and the coop might seem like a very lonely place at first, but life goes on, and soon enough, you’ll find the single life rewarding and liberating. always ask for more of yourself than less. doing so will allow you to not settle for a partially filled bag of seed; only settle for the full bag, and nothing less—and that mother-plucker better have your name on it.
HW
HenWrangler 